How to Get Your Spouse To Listen

How to Get Your Spouse To Listen

Do you ever read the Bible?  There is a tactic found in the Old Testament for communicating and it works like a charm when trying to get people to hear you.  One of the questions I am asked all the time by married couples and I must confess usually women, but from men as well is how do I get my spouse to hear me.  I am saying A, but they hear B and it drives me crazy.  Well, I have a solution and it really works, but it takes time and some creativity.  There are two parts to this, so today I will share part 1 and then I will share part 2 another time.  This can actually be used for communicating with anyone, but works best when we know the people that we are trying to get to hear us.

Connecting With Someone’s Emotions Rather Than Their Intellect Opens Their Ears

The tool is called a word picture and if used correctly will almost always succeed in at least getting someone to listen.  This is simply the beginning once you are communicating its a whole other process to solve the issue.  So, here is the key.  Generally, when we are trying to talk to our spouse or others we try to get them to connect with us by connecting with their intellect.  We share what we are feeling and then try to logically get them to understand it and agree or change based on what is logical.  Since we all process differently this doesn’t always go well.  So, to get them to really understand you, get them to connect emotionally rather than intellectually.

As an example, the story in the Bible was someone was trying to get the king to understand their problem.  Instead of bringing him their problem they tied their problem to a scenario he could relate.  The King had been a shepherd as a boy so the person used a story of a poor sheep that had been slaughtered by a neighbor.  Well, the King connected so well to the story that the person was unable to finish because the king was ready to throw the accused person in jail.  He was then able to expose the King as the one who had done it.  At this the King realized his own failure and was open to fixing the problem.

Put the Issue in A Scenario They Can Relate

When we are trying to get someone to understand our problem or issue it helps to put it in a scenario that they can relate.  What is their passion or something they love to do.  Wrap the issue in a story they can relate to and once they are emotionally connected to how unfair it is now you can expose it for what it really is.  Remember, the goal is not to trick them or take advantage of them it is simply to help them feel what you are feeling.  Once they are in touch with what you are feeling, it will help them work with you to resolve the issue.  It may take some practice, but word stories can quickly deflate a hot topic.

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